I'm not healing fast enough.
I'm too sad.
I should be better.
I am annoying.
No one can possibly love me.
These are all things which go round and round my head, they have for years, only they have gotten worse since moving from home. Now new problems have come up, which have knocked me back into depression, and made me even more confused that ever before. I feel that I am healing too slowly, that everyone hates me, that I am alone and lost and will never belong with anyone.
Part of this is because I have been thrust into a new trust position, with a guy. To trust even my best friend, who is a girl, can be hard for me at times. But to trust a guy is next to impossible. It is scary, foreign, and sometimes makes me want to hide in a turtle shell.
Between that and new family problems, life has been rough and left me feeling like mush. I don't want to go on some days and if I didn't have to go into work I wouldn't - also if I didn't have such an energetic dog I wouldn't leave my house at all.
I don't know what the answer is to all these lies, other than I know I have to try and continue to fight them, It is a long, hard battle and sometimes there seems no end in sight though I know that isn't true.