Victoria, who blogs at the Endless Oceans of my Mind, left a comment inquiring as to where I disappeared to. It was that comment which made me realize just how long its been since I've posted..
Things have been hard for me lately. Of course all of it feels like old struggles. Waking up after a restless night of nightmares, going to work feeling exhausted, coming home and not feeling like doing anything because of the depression and being tired. My nightmares have steadily gotten worse over the last few months and because of the lack of sleep my depression has worsened. Hence the reason I haven't been blogging as much as I was. Or writing. Or drawing. Or doing anything I like to do, even going on walks with my faithful little dog.
Though I know God is in control of my life and future I can't help but feel discouraged sometimes. I went to the doctor again and there are no other medication options to try for the nightmares. The only one left was originally made as a blood pressure medication, but since my blood pressure is on the low side of normal it would drop it too low and therefore we can't risk trying it. News like that is not the most comforting thing I could be given.
I've been trying other methods to sleep. I worked hard on getting my little flat to feel welcoming and like home. I bought lavender nightlights and set them up around so that when I wake up I will be able to see my flat and know I am safe - also lavender is suppose to help relax. I listen to soothing music all night long, pray before I sleep, and have opened up more about my sleep problems and asked for prayer with my Bible study group.
So far nothing has worked. I've still been determined to trust God though. Somehow I know I will make it through this. I know He can cure me, or help me face each new day wit the strength I need to get through.
I plan to start posting more though. And I am making progress on my Through A Glass Darkly story. I am nervous about it and not sure how I feel sharing it with everyone, but I know there's a reason what happened to me did and one reason I believe is to encourage and help others. And I believe this book and blog are the first steps I can take in that direction.